There’s an issue for everyone. Pick your favorite. Strap on your gloves and boxing gear and jump into the ring. All’s fair but it’s only war, no love here. Compassion? What’s that? Ideologies have become idols. Our gods are our causes. Nothing can stand in the way of individual liberty, except social justice that is.

Who needs guns when we have words? We shoot those bullets faster than any military grade weapon ever could. Then we go to church and sing praises. But we aren’t sheep anymore. We’re wolves. Falling into the fissures of hate being spread by the world. We’re on the offensive. Slinging insults and profanity for anyone who dares to threaten what? Our country?

Jesus has been replaced by a flag with stars and stripes. Make no mention of our Walmart Christianity. Consumerism takes the place of gratitude. No judgement here, I’ve fallen for it too.

What would Jesus do? Does anybody care anymore? No one wears that bracelet. It’s gone out of style, replaced by bearded men and Vera Wang bags. Meanwhile children next door watch horror movies while mommy’s at work but we close our eyes and open our computers to type our all powerful Facebook statuses.

Religion is an idol, acceptance and tolerance the currency of the land. Jesus is not welcome here anymore. Please apologize for your privilege. You get to breathe every day don’t you? While you’re at it, apologize for being white, straight, “cis-gendered,” educated, and god forbid male.

Babies are murdered but please, please, tell me again how not all lives matter? I’ll have to apologize for that one too, how very white of me. But I’m a female. Oppressed, downtrodden, disadvantaged.  If you go by what the world says anyway.

Did we forget about the warning? Say Lord, Lord and see where it gets you. Ahh but memory is a fickle mistress. We are comfortable now, our issues keep us warm at night. We pray at the altar of RayBan, Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, and Margaret Sanger. Global Warming. Don’t forget about that. Who cares if I’m an alcoholic? I recycle.

The planks have grown so worn they’ve splintered into a million tiny pieces. Please excuse me, I must grab my tweezers. Make this what you will, you always do. Put a good spin on it, there’s no other way. What is sin if you’re happy with yourself? God wants us all to be happy right? Live and let live. Que Sera Sera.

No one’s lost anymore, we’re all off finding ourselves. In our I Phones and Xbox’s. When we’re not slinging mud that is. Judgment? No Judgement here. I’ll leave that to Jesus. He alone knows what’s in your heart. And mine. Don’t worry, donate five dollars to a food bank and you’ll be fine. That two week missions trip will save your soul. Don’t forget to get great pictures for Instagram though!

Church? What Church? Surely God was kidding. I can worship in my house. It’s the same thing. Don’t push your extroverted ways on me. I need my space. If you leave me alone I’ll only judge you in my head. Fasting. I fast. I lost 10 pounds this month too! You should try it. Instead of eating I took a nap.

Her clothes are too tight, to revealing, too loose, to baggy, too thrift store, too Steve Madden. Please excuse me while I burn my wardrobe and put on something more, no less, no more acceptable. I’m sure it’ll be okay. Who cares what they think anyway? If they don’t like it, just don’t look. It’s your own fault if I’m tempting you. If you stumble, don’t reach for my hand, I’m busy taking a selfie in front of the cross.

Red cups ruined my Christmas. Who cares that my drink is overpriced? It shouldn’t be red. It offends me. Red, the color of blood. Jesus’s blood. Spilled so I can have my opinions. Or not. Spilled so I can…wait, what was it again? I’m too busy debating grape juice versus real wine to remember. Jesus drank wine didn’t he? Phew, I’m good then.

Sin? What sin? It’s merely self expression. We have to be relevant you know. The f-word merely makes it more potent. Snark is salty. Don’t lose that saltiness!

Ahh the next contender, my best friend’s mother. Her Christianity is too structured for me, she’s fair game. Competition is the spice of life, I bet I can be a better mom, wife, Christian, runner, writer, singer, actor, lover than you. Wanna see? Just look at my Facebook page.

Vulnerability? But why? We don’t want to see your soul, just your checkbook. Like my page, who cares if you love me.

Shame. Sadness. Fear. Anger. Depression. Real people don’t feel those things. God takes them all away from us. Choose to be happy. If you can’t there’s something wrong with you. Don’t whine. Don’t cry. Don’t lament. Read the last chapter of Psalms. You need to learn to praise.

Marriage isn’t forever, Jesus saved us from the Old Testament right? Except for when you do something I don’t like. Please excuse me, I must go cherry pick some more. Speaking of relevance.

If this is relevance, take it from me Lord. I’ve seen the way of the world, I don’t want it anymore. Let this cup of burning hatred pass from my lips. I think it’s time I took up my cross. Forgiveness. I need that now. I’ve idolized the religion, but forgotten about the Father. I confess my sins to you, kneeling on the floor. In a closet, a bathroom, a church, who cares. Just hear me God.

The eye of the needle is so small. Rend from me the scales of my scornful heart. Trim it down, whittle away at my soul until there’s nothing left but you. Please excuse me, I must go pray. Silence, stillness, wonder, awe. What are those? My necessary sacrifice. Please excuse me, I must go pray.





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