I had yet another doctor’s appointment today. This time with my endocrine specialist to discuss the progress being made treating my Hashimoto’s. All things considered, it went well. Sure, my appointment time got mixed up and I showed up 6 hours late without my blood work, but for the most part the appointment was affirming and encouraging.
Except that I didn’t realize this until I got home. It wasn’t until I arrived in my driveway and sat in my car for a few minutes thinking the appointment through, that I realized that my doctor has yet to hear a positive thing come out of my mouth. How embarrassing. How convicting.
You see, for the last 5 years I have fought so hard to make doctors hear me and take me seriously that I have censored my positivity for fear that any thing I said that made it seem like I was feeling even slightly okay, would make yet another doctor write off my case as if nothing was wrong with me anymore. So after so much fighting, I fell in to the same pattern with this appointment. Its not that I made my symptoms appear worse than they were, I would never lie about my health. However, I didn’t focus at all on how my medication was making a bit of difference, and that for the first time in 6 months I wasn’t waking up every morning with a splitting headache and muscle cramps.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel anywhere close to 100% healthy. I still struggle everyday when 2:00pm rolls around and I get the nauseous feelings that don’t go away, I fall asleep simply sitting on the floor playing with our baby girl, and I get ridiculously angry at the most trivial things. All of those things do happen every day.
But they’re not the only things that matter. Every day I have an opportunity to make a choice between letting my disease rob me of gratitude, positivity, and joy, or I can choose to let my struggles overwhelm me and color my outlook on even the most trivial things. I could definitely choose to do that. It would be so easy!
Let’s face it, being a positive person is hard. It may be even harder than living with this condition. It requires me to step outside of myself and look for the good things throughout the day, most of which don’t revolve around me.
But please, please don’t get discouraged. Because being positive, choosing joy instead of frustration, showing love for everyone when all you really want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep the day away, is so, so worth it.
So the next time I have to go to my specialist to discuss my blood work, I am going to show him who I really am. A positive person who is not letting her condition control her. A woman who is grateful for even the smallest of blessings. Someone who won’t let something as small as Hashimoto’s disease blot out all the blessings that God has provided for me.
There is power in positivity. In choosing joy, and gratitude, and love. I won’t let my disease cause me to forget that. Not anymore.